Picky Eater SOS

In various meetings with different people who were studying abroad, I was asked what made me most worried about leaving the country. My answer was the same as a lot of other student's reason for being excited: food.

I didn’t realize how much of a picky eater I was until I came to Seoul for the first time three years ago. Everything here is spicy. Everything here is covered in seaweed. I’m exaggerating to make a point. In reality, it’s mostly food I’m not used to that keeps me from taking more than a few bites, like spices and ingredients that are used in Korean cuisine and not at home. I can develop a better palate for these flavors over time. I’ve been working on it. However, when it’s spice that does nothing but hurt, or seafood that makes me gag for no reason, I cannot improve. And it’s not my fault! But it makes living here a more difficult even though I don’t want to leave. I keep coming back despite it not really getting that much easier.

(Ex. This picture is me at Gyeongbokung palace in Seoul, before I parted ways with my group after our tour because they went to eat a soup I can't stand)

Study abroad programs farther away from home have unfamiliar ingredients that can make your time abroad a challenge, even when you’re having a great time in every other facet of your life. I'm sharing some of my typical struggles in order to remind you you're not the only one that's been worried about satisfying dietary restrictions (life-threatening or less serious like mine). Or, make you really thankful you're one of those people that can just eat anything.

1) I don’t know what I do want to eat, only what I don’t want to eat.

Maybe my family has learned to put up with this tick, but in my first few weeks at Seoul National University I could tell that saying no to every suggestion that was made for lunch was making it hard for me to make new friends. Especially in my first couple weeks in my destination country, where making a few meal friends was crucial, I didn’t want to be known as the one who could never decide where to go to eat.

So once I realized I was turning down every suggestion, I wound up immediately giving in to trying something I knew I wouldn’t like. I tried it. It wasn’t terrible, but I didn’t like it. I picked at it, then was hungry until dinner, when the same dilemma was repeated. Sacrifices.

2) I can’t go with the flow too easily.

My friends want to try 산낙지 (sannakji, Korean live octopus). I know that I cannot make myself eat sannakji. But I can’t just eat alone. I don’t want to miss out on an experience. Once again, I'm at an impasse.

My friends all get a plate of the sannakji to share and I'm the only one that has opted to sit and watch. I feel silly. I feel like a fake tourist. I feel like I'm not trying hard enough. But then I remember that if I try a bite of this octopus I will most definitely not be able to keep it down, and the little old lady will be much more offended at that than me not trying.

3) I'm scared to try new restaurants.

It’s too late to ask my friends if they can join me for dinner, but I have nothing in my apartment. I force myself to go out, but it’s hard to just walk into a new restaurant to experiment when:

- I'm not perfect at the language, and speaking it to strangers is scary

- I don’t know if its socially acceptable to eat alone at this restaurant

- I don’t know exactly kind of food they serve

So instead, I go to the same restaurant every time I wind up alone. Maybe it’s a bakery. Maybe it’s a convenience store. Maybe its McDonald’s. I feel terrible about it. But since sticking with something I know is way easier than spending money on something new, I can’t make myself change that easily.

4) I don't know what this menu item is and what if this dish has seafood in it??

When I went to Korea for the first time, I only knew a few Korean foods: bulgogi, kalbi, bibimbap, kimchi stew, and samgyupsal. Some menu items can be directly translated, like “chicken noodle soup” or “pork dumplings,” but other things leave me worried. I know it’s a soup, but what’s in it? For a long time, I didn’t have cell service or wifi and maybe this restaurant serves it different than normal anyway.

I want to make myself try something new. But I really don’t want to risk eating something I don’t like. I've learned to force myself to ask things like “Does this have meat in it?” “Is this spicy?” even though I'm super embarrassed. But hey, it helped me get a lot to get over my fear of speaking Korean to strangers.

5) The school cafeteria only has two options, and I can’t stomach either of them.

I’ve been eating at the school cafeteria more and more often with my new friends, and trying new foods that I wouldn’t have chosen at a restaraunt myself. It’s nice to not have a choice on the menu, and experiment for cheap. Until it’s not.

Just when I'm feeling rather proud of myself, I come to the cafeteria and realize I’m depending too much on it – they’re only serving fishcake stew or spicy stir-fried duck, which only mean Suffering. I do a 360 out of the cafeteria and have to go to a café for a bagel. Again.

6) I already got sick of my quick at-home dinner.

I've finally figured out where I can get bread that I like. I found some cheese that wasn't too expensive. I found a ramen that’s not too spicy. I found a takeout restaurant close to my house with food I like.

But I ate it too many times. And now I ruined it. One of the most frustrating parts about being a picky eater is your whims can suddenly change and you don’t know why. But you can’t make yourself eat it. Even though you used to like it. Why am I like this.

7) I don’t want to look like I'm eating western/Americanized food all the time.

I'm meeting new friends. Speaking a new language. Living alone. I'm challenging myself in so many ways that by the time I'm hungry for dinner, I'm sick of expanding my horizons. The only thing I crave when I'm really hungry isn’t the mom and pop restaurant down the block, but an American chain by the train station. I'll admit that McDonald's is one of the biggest homesickness cures, and I eat it more here than I do at home.

When I don’t have the effort to make myself try something new, Ifind myself eating pizza again. I make myself a cheese sandwich. I bet my neighbors are judning me. I bet my other exchange student friends are judging me. I bet the cashier at the fried chicken place is judging me!

But I don’t really regret it once I'm eating.

8) My new friends make fun of me.

I get it. It’s really annoying to go out to dinner with someone who can’t eat at most of the restaurants you pass by. Maybe you accidentally made friends who are 1000% okay with eating spicy food. When you express that you can’t share the hot pot with them, they gape. They gawk. They laugh. You wind up never telling them you don’t like something again and are perpetually starving.

You don’t need friends like that. Everyone in their life has eaten something they don’t like. Some people more than others. But good people realize that their palate doesn’t make them an adult.

9) I don’t want the grocery store to judge you for only buying snacks

I need some groceries at home for a snack while I'm studying, or a post-dinner-but-I’m-hungry refill. But when I go to the grocery store or farmer’s market in my new town, I don’t know what anything is. Where’s the Kraft mac n cheese? Where are the Ritz crackers??

I'm used to snack runs at home at UW because everyone’s a college student and everyone is always just buying snacks. But now when I only grab crackers and sweets, I feel like I'm disappointing the cashier. Maybe I would eat fresh fruit and veggies, but how do you buy them here? Do you have to ask them? Do you choose and weigh them yourself? The entire market is a mystery and I'm not sure if I'll like it anyway so I stick with the bread and snacks. Just hoping that I’ll get a different cashier the next time I come.

10) I don’t want to offend my new friend’s mom or the small restaurant owner, but I literally can’t eat any more of this dish.

I finally challenged myself to go out alone, and try something new. I thought I’d like this soup, but oh no it's covered in seaweed. The restaurant owner is also the waiter and he’s given me a free drink because he’s excited an American is trying his food. I don’t have a friend to swap plates with or pawn off this seaweed to. I can’t be rude. I'm eating the seaweed. I'm not dying, but kind of wish I would.

The first time I was in Korea, my host mom cooked for us on our first morning. I don’t eat in the morning. I was jetlagged and my stomach was its usual morning state of empty-but-not-hungry. I hadn’t really made impressions on the family yet. I wanted to be kind and show her my thanks, but I also didn’t want to set a precedent for needing a big breakfast. Catch 22.

11) I don’t miss my family – I miss my local grocery store.

I get homesick sometimes, but mostly because I'm uncomfortable. I'm sick of going to bed hungry, I'm sick of brainstorming what to eat every single time I'm hungry. It has taken me a long time to find my new staples.

Of course I miss my mom, but I can talk to my mom. I can look at my dog. But you can’t feel full by looking at pictures of cheddar cheese.

12) I feel like I'm missing important experiences

My friends tried sannakji. I see pictures of all kinds of food on people’s Instagrams when I’ve been eating ramen for dinner for three days in a row. My friends are trying new things. I'm still wishing for crackers and cheese.

This is the worst part of being a picky eater. I decided to study abroad to try new things and to become more openminded. But my stomach is not letting me do it wholeheartedly. A lot of the time I feel like I'm not challenging myself enough. Every now and then I regret my choice to study abroad because I'm sick of not knowing what to eat, and my homesickness is mostly based on missing my usual staples. It's not easy. For almost everyone that tries living in a different country, there's a dealbreaker. Some culture shock that makes them glad to be going home. I just wish mine wasn't so crucial to living as a human being.

So if you're an insufferably picky eater like me, how do you learn from my mistakes, and

what can you do to help your transition into living abroad as a picky eater?

1) Be upfront about your pickiness. Make a joke out of it. Your friends might make fun of you for being a picky eater, but laugh along with them. Express that you’re as frustrated as they are that you can’t go out to try pig’s feet with them. (That one's actually good though!)

Apologize for being an inconvenience before they get annoyed. This way they may come to understand your pickiness a little more, and won’t make fun of or get angry about it. And don’t pretend to like things you don’t. You will have to keep eating them. Good friends and hosts will help you find dishes you do like. Remember that this is your personal challenge. It does not mean you’re not ready to study abroad. For other people it will be homesickness because they miss their family or friends. For others it will be that they can’t take the cultural differences. You’re not the only one having trouble to adjusting, even though it can feel like it at dinnertime.

2) Is there a cafeteria at your university? Eat there. Chances are good that it's better than Local Point. If you don’t have a choice, maybe you’ll try expanding your food options. It can be a risk to depend on it too much, in case the only option is something you really can’t eat (for me it’s fish cake stew), but trying new things will force you to get acclimated to new ingredients slowly. You’ll probably wind up eating healthier, and you might figure out new dishes you really like that you can find off-campus as well.

3) Make friends with people who are native to your destination country. They’ll know the good restaurants in the area, and can help find something that doesn’t have pork, gluten, dairy, or isn’t spicy. They can explain what is in the dishes that you try, and help you search for a dish that you will like. If people aren’t patient with you when you’ve expressed your frustration about not being able to eat, you don’t want to be friends with them anyway. Good people will help you.

4) Find a local cuisine that you do like. And stick with it. It’s easy to get sick of things, but you’ll feel less guilty about eating the same thing over and over if you can say you’re still eating that country’s food. Different restaurants will have different variations on the same dish, and you can depend on that one kind of soup or meat if your friends want to try something new.

It's taken me three summers and almost a full semester in Korea to just barely start getting used to Korean food. It's scary and annoying, but there are always a few things I do like, and other people to suffer with me. Don't worry.

#Seoul #seoulnationaluniversity #food